Chapter 18 - Draw a Line

It's a month since I've been out of rehab. I haven't relapsed. I still don't have a boyfriend. I am back at work and kicking goals. My boss says she is looking at getting me a job in TV. Apparently all that gym work and all those facials have finally paid off.

I'm at a hotel. It my friend Kelly's birthday. We are about to go out. There are lines of speed sitting on the table in front me.

Kelly snorts a line.

Her boyfriend snorts a line.

Kelly hands me a rolled-up fifty dollar bill.

"Have some" she says

I take it.

I lean over the speed and I look over to Kelly and her boyfriend who are giggling and kissing on the bed.

I look at the speed. I think about the day I felt that white light inside of me. I try to keep a boundary around that little feeling of something good inside of me.

I want a relationship. I want a good job. I want to be loved. I want somewhere nice to live. I want to be happy.

Speed is poison.

"Actually u can have this line if u want"
"Why?" Kellie asks
"I just don't feel like it. I'm happy enough without it"
"Ok" she says and without too much hesitation leans over and sucks it up.

Now. I'm clean. I'm not exactly happy but I am getting there. But if there is one thing worse than relapsing, it's being straight around two people who are off their trolley on amphetamines.

I knew I was in for a long night full of long stories that go absolutely nowhere.

I knew I would go to sleep tonight and get up tomorrow and be able to function and do stuff I like doing during the day.

I knew I was going to be ok.

Now that didn't take much effort did it? Just a nervous breakdown and 8 weeks in a rehab centre.